Fantasy baseball is a lot of fun. Not fantasy baseball where you create fictional teams with players of your choice — that's for assjacks. I'm talking about imagining how awesome a team of Frankensteins would do in the major leagues. With the World Series coming up, a lot of folks are excited to watch the Phillies and the Rays go head to head. However, what excites fans even more is how awesome my Frankenteam would be. Let me explain why this team of monsters has captured America's imagination as the first unbeatable baseball club.

For one, Frankenteam would have serious hitting power. If you know anything about Frankenstein, you know that he can decapitate you with a single punch. That means a team of Franks would be packing some serious guns, and their ammunition would be the helpless baseballs thrown at them; their victims would be passing birds, who will get killed by the hundreds once my team is let loose! My monstrous boys would score thousands of home runs every game, giving me the clear advantage on offense.

Fielding is a trickier issue. Frankensteins are notoriously slow and stiff, so catching fly balls is a near impossibility. That's why we'd get creative: every time someone scored a hit, I'd give a signal to the basemen to kill all runners. These monsters would have no qualms about pummeling their opponents to death, so intimidation would cause batters to strike out on purpose, lest they become a runner who'll meet his certain doom. With the other teams constantly striking out, and our team racking up millions of runs, the Frankensteins and I, their genius coach, will be wearing championship rings in no time.

You might wonder how fire plays into the equation. For example, what if a player snuck a cigarette lighter into the game, scaring my poor Frankenplayers into submission. Well, luckily I'm not just a coach, like in the sitcom Coach, but I'm also a life coach, like in the hour long comedy pilot I've got a ton of ideas for (the premise is that he's a life coach who can't get his own life in order, and his wife is writing a book about the history of irony). I'd take the off-season to get these Frankensteins into therapy and over their fear of fire. The only things my Frankensteins will be afraid of will be paper towels, which the other teams won't find out about until it's too late!

The Yankees used to be unstoppable, but now they have been stopped. If there's one thing the fans love, it's a sports team that dominates the game for years on end, without any chance of being defeated. Clearly, my team of Frankenstein monsters would be the worthy successors to this legacy. So next year, hopefully I'll have collected enough zombie-like behemoths to take over the MLB. After we win the championship, I'll take a chain-saw and cut them up into pieces. Imagine what the arm of a World Series winning Frankenstein would get on Ebay. Answer: $380,000!