Frankenstein. The Mummy. A bride with an axe in her head. These things are all scary, and they make for fine Halloween costumes. However, there is a real evil lurking in the world today. It’s not Dracula, but she will suck the life from our government if elected to the office of Vice President. She is Sarah Palin, and anyone who goes as her for Halloween — and many, many people will — is dressing as 2008's scariest costume possible, in addition to doing a great service for this nation we call America.

Let's compare Sarah Palin to some of the silver screen's greatest monsters. Freddy Krueger can enter your dreams, and kill you while you're sleeping. Sarah Palin has become a national nightmare, and will kill us all if we sleepily elect this unqualified woman as our next VP. Chucky is a doll that comes to life and muderers people. Palin is a doll who murdered the career of a state trooper for personal reasons. She's a GOP zombie, she'll bring chaos to US politics like a gremlin, and I hear she will claw out your eyeballs like the wolf man.

There's only one way to “ghostbust” the Sarah Palin menace. No, it's not by voting. It's by making your political opinions known on a night where people are trying to have fun. Make a big statement by going as one of eleven girls who will also go as Sarah or pregnant Bristol Palin (nothing is spookier than Palin's contradictory definition of “family values”). If you're a man, it's your duty as an American citizen to go as the moose Sarah Palin shoots, highlighting her monstrously backwards view on the environment.

If you've read this so far and are think, “going as Sarah Palin for Halloween is kind of douchey and obvious,” then you are a bad person. I'll repeat that: a bad person. May I remind you that this is the most important election ever, in the history of time and space? That's right, not even alien elections on other planets hold as much weight as this year's race. We have a woman running for vice president who's unqualified! She's just a heartbeat away from the presidency! If you don't dress as Sarah Palin for Halloween, and convince your liberal friends at the party to vote against her, which they already were gonna do anyway — then who will? Answer: a lot of other people, but you need to as well.

So let's not let Halloween go unpoliticized this election year. Rather than frivolously waste your Halloween dressed as something scary or awesome, do your part and help tilt the election against that made-up monster. She has united the Christian base for McCain, so we need to unite the Halloween costume wearing base for Obama. Report for duty, Palins! Also, if you want to be a rigged voting machine that favors McCain, that's good too.