Ghosts are one of the most mistreated American minority group in history. They simply want to live amongst us, speak to our creepy children and hold ballroom dances in our nation's haunted mansions. Yet we insist on letting a team of “Ghostbusters” use unstable weaponry to capture and imprison these helpless spirits. We'll save the [...]

Alright, let's just calm down, okay? I think he's still breathing. We can do this. I know it's crazy, but we can figure this out. I'm just gonna think for, like, two seconds. Don't snap at me, asshole! I need two fucking seconds to think of a plan. Now shut up! … Okay. Wow. Alright, [...]

Back in the 80's, when childhood was great, all anybody talked about around this time was trick or treating. What costume are you gonna wear on the walk? Whose house are we gonna meet at? And most importantly, how are we gonna get to the rich people houses, where they give out full candy bars [...]

Hail Spooksylvania Land of monstrous beasts We praise the mortal neck As ripe for us to feast… (on.) -”Hail Spooksylvania,” the current Spooksylvanian anthem, written in 1910. For a year, I was a resident of Spooksylvania. They fly American high school students there for free, as part of the “Bring New Blood To Spooksylvania” exchange [...]

Fantasy baseball is a lot of fun. Not fantasy baseball where you create fictional teams with players of your choice — that's for assjacks. I'm talking about imagining how awesome a team of Frankensteins would do in the major leagues. With the World Series coming up, a lot of folks are excited to watch the [...]