Ghosts are one of the most mistreated American minority group in history. They simply want to live amongst us, speak to our creepy children and hold ballroom dances in our nation's haunted mansions. Yet we insist on letting a team of “Ghostbusters” use unstable weaponry to capture and imprison these helpless spirits. We'll save the debate on the merits of the Ghost-kidnappers for another day. Right now, I want to focus on Slimer, the Ghostbuster's “pal” who helps them capture other ghosts. You, Slimer, are a traitor to your race, and frankly you disgust me.

Slimer was once a captured ghost himself. He freely roamed the top floor of a hotel, until the Ghostbusters zapped him and imprisoned him inside the “containment grid” in their firehouse. Reports say that inside the grid, it's an Abu Ghraib for ghosts. They get no nourishment, no place to sleep, it’s freezing cold, and there is no chance for parole. Slimer knows these conditions well, because he clawed his way up the ranks to become a member of the Ghost Guard – a supernatural police force which keeps order in the grid by abusing their own. Among the atrocities he committed, Slimer once forced a goblin to ‘gobble’ his penis.

Dr. Ray Stantz (more like a “doctor demento,” if you ask me) saw the work Slimer did and promoted him onto their actual team. Ever the opportunist, Slimer took the chance and continues to help “Drs.” Egon Spengler and Peter Venkman capture innocent specters and take them to prison. Who made these quacks the judge, jury and essentially executioner for an entire race of creatures? Right alongside them is Slimer, the Uncle Tom of ghosts, helping to commit genocide for a stray hamburger or pizza.

Perhaps you believe that Slimer is just doing whatever he has to in order to survive. That might have been true back in the grid, but now that Slimer lives on the outside, he could run away at anytime. He could move to a ghost friendly country like Spooksylvania. However, he does not. Slimer continues to help the Ghostbusters, because he's power hungry and hates his own race more than anything. “Traitor” isn't even the right word to describe him: Slimer is a mass-murdering psychopath.

Frankly, no ghost deserves the horrors brought upon them by these so-called Ghostbusters. When an innocent ghost just wants to help a miserly old man learn the meaning of Christmas, who're they gonna call when assaulted by four crazed supernatural assassins? No one. The fact that Slimer, a ghost himself, continues to help these men on their quest to rid the world of spirits is stomach churning. Slimer, I hope you choke on your next hot dog.