As you read this essay, a chill runs through your body. Lightning crackles outside, and the screech of a stray cat puts you on edge. You decide to call your friend, who tells you there’s nothing to be afraid of — it’s just rain. “I’m not afraid of the rain, shithead,” you clarify. “I’m afraid of the man with the lizard tongue we accidentally ran over last year.” Your friend says it was an accident, and surely there will be no repercussions. As you hang up, you hear a knock at the door. What will the twist ending to this post be?

Well, let’s examine the story’s elements. It’s raining outside, but it’s likely that lightning is just a mood setter for this horrifying tale. A cat cries out into the night – again, which could also be a mood setter. However, it might be a sign that Lizard Tongue is outside. What if he likes to kill cats before his human victims? Speaking of Lizard Tongue, there’s a revenge plot here. You and your friend were involved in a hit and run. But what if this monstrous killer is still alive, at the door right now?

After looking at some of the more salient elements of the story, now the aspiring horror writer needs to think, “what kind of shitty narrative twist can I write to surprise people and make myself feel smart?” The friend seems awfully suspicious when he says there will be “no repercussions.” Maybe he’s luring you into a sense of false security, so the friend can kill you, making sure there are no more witnesses of the crime. Or maybe Lizard Tongue is alive and at the door, ready to kill you, until you wake up and discover it’s all just a nightmare… a Freddy Krueger nightmare! Or maybe the friend is actually Lizard Tongue’s son, looking for revenge.

You might think this horror story doesn’t need a twist ending, but if there’s anything that all horror movies have taught me, it’s that there must be a twist ending. The guy you thought was killed is actually the murderer; it turns out he was dead the entire movie; the story of the missing girl was fake, so the pagans could sacrifice the cop investigating the disappearance to a “wicker man” — yeah, it wouldn’t be a good horror movie unless your expectations were shattered. SHATTERED!

So, what is this post’s twist ending? Well, you open the door, and there is Lizard Tongue — with an axe! He wants revenge. Sweet, bloody revenge. Lizard Tongue brings the axe up to strike you. Hold on — flash back montage — I mentioned lightning. Rain storm + metal axe = lightning strikes the metal axe and kills Lizard Tongue. You call your friend to tell him what happened… and the cell phone in Lizard Tongue’s pocket vibrates. Turns out, Lizard Tongue can imitate voices with his amazing lizard mouth, and you were talking to him earlier — as he lulled you into a sense of false confidence. Your friend is already long dead.

Wuahahahaha! There’s your tale of horror, with a twist… of genius!!!