If you’ve been watching The Office, no doubt you smile warmly every time Jim and Pam are on screen. It’s like they’re the perfect couple, and even with all the drama that took place with Pam being in NYC, they always manage to do the right thing at every turn. Seeing them pull pranks on Dwight together, Jim’s marriage proposal in the pouring rain – yes, this couple can’t get any cuter, because if they did, the universe would explode. Literally.

Well, actually, the universe would “crunch” together, then collapse into black holes. Forgive me for over-simplifying. Currently, the universe continues to expand. When the universe first “exploded” in the Big Bang, it set off what scientists thought was the irreversible trend of continued universal expansion. However, when there’s too much matter in the universe, universal expansion reverses, causing all matter to “crunch” into black holes, which unify together into a single black hole.

How does this relate to Jim and Pam? Well, if the couple gets any cuter at this point, millions of viewers at home will vomit all at once, which will “tip the scales” of allowable matter and set off The Big Crunch. Their twee perfection will finally upset the stomachs of millions of unhappy single viewers, setting the stage for black holes to devour everything we know and care about.

Science types might argue that vomit isn’t “new matter,” but rather a conversion of matter from one form to another. This might be true for normal vomit, but the puke induced by Jim and Pam’s love will be made up of smiling rainbows, dancing unicorns and talking bunny rabbits from another dimension. You see, Pam and Jim are so adorable, our stomachs will react by opening portals to alternate universes, where new creatures will cross through and upset the balance of our universe.

So enjoy The Office, folks. However, that show will destroy us all eventually, as soon as Jim and Pam cross the thin line from indie heart-warming perfection to OMG I WANT TO HUG THEM CONSTANTLY!!!! It’s only a matter of time. Also, scientists should probably start exploring ways we can still watch 30 Rock DVDs inside a black hole. Oh, wait. We’ll all be dead. Never mind.