Delta is like Sylar from the Heroes season finale — they both suck, and they both utilize powers they don’t fully understand. In Sylar’s case, its his ability/hunger to steal powers from others, which turns him into a second-rate Jigsaw knockoff. For Delta, it’s the power of the mobile phone, which they yield with just as much clumsy acting. Delta is bewildered by its own ability to let people check-in for flights via its mobile site.

Today I was at LAX, waiting in an extremely long line for a boarding pass to my incredibly expensive flight. I tried to print one out the night before, but Delta.com said something was wrong and that I’d have to check in at the airport. Bored in line, I decided to see if I could check in via Delta’s mobile site. It went through! The site let me check in. I clicked on the “show boarding pass” link and there it was on my iPhone screen. No more wait! “Hold it right there, Mr. Fancy Phone!”

When I asked three separate Delta employees, they all said that I needed to check in manually. The iPhone check in “doesn’t count,” and that I still needed to wait in an extremely long line, possibly miss my flight, and get a printed version of the exact same thing that was on my screen. Printing something, you see, gives it legitimacy. That’s why no one takes the Wikipedia seriously.

Here’s the thing: I completely understand Delta’s point-of-view. If I was a TSA guy, and some douchebag walked up to me with a ticket on his iPhone, I might be suspicious too. However, if Delta isn’t going to authorize mobile check-ins, then what the hell good are they? Do people check in on their mobile phones, then go to a desktop, navigate through Delta.com and print them out? That makes no sense. You make a mobile phone function so people can do stuff mobilly. When I click on the Cube Runner app, it’s not because I want to play Cube Runner when I get home. Clearly, Delta doesn’t understand the point of its mobile site, and perhaps they never will.

I did manage to just make it onto my flight, despite the long line. They did a lot of other stuff wrong at the ticket counter today, like not having someone shouting helpful phrases like “this kiosk is free,” which would have moved the line along. However, if I could have one Delta-related Christmas wish, it’d be for them to get rid of mobile check-in until they know how to implement it. That, and I want teleportation invented, so the airlines will all go out of business forever. MERRY CHRISTMAS, DELTA!