On this week’s season opener of LOST, Hurley had a choice. He could either have gone with Ben, the manipulative murderer who treats everyone like pawns in his sick game of chess, or give himself up to the police for murders he didn’t commit. I don’t envy Hurley’s decision, but he did the right thing by choosing the cops. Ben is bad. I don’t trust him, I don’t like him, and he’s bad. Ladies and gentlemen, do not trust Ben from LOST.

Remember when he orchestrated the mass murder of the Dharma Initiative? He killed his own dad in the process. You see, Ben is what we call an “Other.” They’re not like you or me – they’re the people on the island who are pulling the strings, and we can’t trust them. They do weird things. Act in strange ways. They hide the truth and use us for their own selfish ends. Ben is bad, folks.

One day, Ben is gonna come knocking on your door. He’ll say that his car broke down, and will ask to use your phone. You let him inside, and immediately he’ll knock you out. When you come to, you’re on a submarine, but then he knocks you out again, this time with drugs. Finally, you awake for real and he’s like, “sorry about the circumstances of our journey, Francis, but I needed to bring you here… to the island.” I mean, who does that? I’ll tell you who: someone who’s a jerk.

Or is Charles Widmore the bad guy? Sure, he is. Rich people are always bad. They go around faking plane crashes and stop their daughters from marrying Desmond. However, Ben is also bad. The two of them probably go to BadCon, a convention for people who are shitheads. They sign autographs in booths next to each other. So if they’re both bad guys, who should you trust? The answer is Jeremy Davies, but only after you get him to stop lying. He’s pretty smart and knows what’s going on.

It’s just like Sayid said. If Ben Linus comes to your door — and he will — do the opposite of whatever he says to do. Unless he’s caught on to this trick by now, and he says something like, “I want you to not let me into your home.” Ben’s tricky, so watch out for that. Also, he might just try to shoot you, so be careful of that too.

Trophy Bomb sez: STAY SAFE!