Monday, January 26th, 2009
Royal Rumble and Paul Blart: The Most Kickass Sunday Possible
What’d you do yesterday? Maybe you took your daughter to a carnival, or reconnected with your old friends from high school, then decided to go to Sea World and pet Shamu. I’m not saying you didn’t have a good time, but my Sunday was more kickass than yours. My crew watched the WWE Royal Rumble on Pay-Per-View, then went to see a late screening Paul Blart: Mall Cop. Scooba-dooba-doo! What a team-up!
First we ordered the Royal Rumble on Pay-Per-View. You know you’re in for a treat when Matt Hardy turning traitor on his brother Jeff is not the main event. Because that thing I just said was a big deal! The Rumble was a sight to behold: 30 wrestlers went in, only Randy “I Kicked Vince McMahon in the Face” Orton survived. While we watched, we tore into some serious snackage: Fritos scoops and melted cheese, plus pizza from The Hut — nectar of the gods.
Then it was off to The Grove movie theater to watch a brave hero defend the mall against a group of elite skateboarding robbers. Did I mention the hero’s a fat, hypoglycemic mall cop? Well, consider it mentioned. Since I’ve seen Paul Blart, now I want to insert the word Blart into my regular conversations. I’ve already gotten blarted on that.
Again, I’m not saying you didn’t have a great time on Sunday. Perhaps you went to the symphony with your handsome boss, and he made you feel like a princess. Or maybe you finally patched things up with your father, who for 29 long years has never said he’s proud of you. There are many blartibilities, but none of them are as kickass as the Royal Rumble / Paul Blart team-up.
So I hope you enjoyed your Sunday. I really do. However, just to be clear, if your Sunday and my Sunday went into the Royal Rumble ring together, mine would be Randy Orton and yours would be Santino, who lasted a new record of just 1.5 seconds in the ring. “I wasn’t ready,” you’ll shout at the referees. We know, Santino. We know.
7 Comments
January 26th, 2009 at 2:25 am
So what if I went to the symphony with my handsome boss, who also happens to be my father, who also never was proud of me, and thinks I should stick to drawing blartiful ponies in crayon like I did during dinner(natch).
While yours was entrenched in meaningless ephemera (wrestling blah blah, mall cop comedies are the new something something), my sunday was better for its long-term implications. Daddy finally told me I was good at being pretty.
January 26th, 2009 at 2:52 am
By the way Geoffrey. This shirt was purchased today by yours truly… http://www.wweshop.com/newimages/images/W01767X.JPG
January 26th, 2009 at 10:50 am
Meaningless ephemera? Uh, the long-term implications of Randy Orton winning the rumble are huge. Now, despite having kicked Vince McMahon in the face, Randy will get a slot at Wrestlemania. It’s guaranteed! And speaking of huge, Paul Blart not only saves the mall in this film, but at the end, vows to do it forever. Forever = Long-Term.
Again, not saying your boss/daddy’s love isn’t awesome, it just doesn’t kick as much ass.
January 26th, 2009 at 3:07 pm
I had a blarty good time this Sunday. I played a lot of Left 4 Dead with friends… and didn’t work on my book.
God Damn it!
January 26th, 2009 at 5:05 pm
Hey, I hear you, Paul. It turns out that a lot of stars are needed in order to seal the Thousand Year Door in Paper Mario… and that takes time. Specifically, my otherwise productive time.
January 26th, 2009 at 6:23 pm
Geoffrey, This was purchased yesterday by Yours Truly…http://www.wweshop.com/newimages/images/W01767X.JPG
January 26th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Son of a bitch, that’s awesome. Strongly considering the purchase.
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