Wednesday, February 11th, 2009
A Challenge Facing Women: Bra Explosions
This month, every Trophy Bomb post is inspired by a drawing from DeviantART.com. Today's piece is inspired by user powerbook125 (I’m calling it, “Powergirl Boobs.”)
You’re at a fancy party, discussing your view on Obama’s economic stimulus package. The next thing you know, your bra explodes! Women everywhere: there’s no need to be ashamed. This happens to everyone with big breasts. It’s called a “bra explosion,” and it’s as natural as your period. However, that doesn’t make dealing with it any less of a challenge!
It’s time to put the cards out on the table. Women with generously sized bosoms have recently been dealing with bra explosions, where your bra tears open, and the resulting force pushes your breasts through your shirt, exposing your bosoms to the public world. It didn’t happen before, but now it does. No use in trying to figure out why it happens. All you can do is learn to live with it.
Remember, breasts aren’t like vaginas. They can be shown in public with no social stigma. If Britney had just exposed her breasts, she’d still be the school girl we knew and loved in the late 90′s. Besides, these days, what with terrorism and the economy, we don’t have time to worry about whose breasts we’ve seen popping out of whose shirt. Have you opened a window? The weather outside is madness (with an 80% chance of exposed breasts).
There are rumors going around that an ingenious teen has invented a bra detonator, which somehow can explode bras with a remote control. According to rumors, these devices can be purchased at Radio Shack by giving the secret password, “dudes are crude 4 boobs!” Well, this might not be Snopes.com, but I’m putting that rumor to rest right now.
There. Done and done.
So ladies, it’s time to learn how to be proud of your boobs, and stop poking around Radio Shack looking for answers. Trust me, you’ll be the life of the party when your boobs tear through your shirt. The ruined blouse will be worth all applause and cell phone pictures taken of you. It’s like you’re famous! Until a prettier girl’s shirt tears open, and everyone will look at her instead. Hey, that’s show biz!
Special thanks to Amanda for finding the image! If you see any great DeviantArt images I should comment on this month, drop me a line: geoffrey “at” trophybomb “dot” com.
8 Comments
February 11th, 2009 at 11:55 am
To get more hits, I’d recommend putting in the words “Powergirl boobs” you’ll get a lot on this post.
As a comic nerd who happens to love Powergirl, I commend your use of this picture. I also commend your breasts in public stance. Bravo and keep fighting the good fight.
February 11th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
Thank you. That was an obvious SEO oversight on my part, lol.
As I’ve frequently said, all I’m doing with this blog is fighting for the little guy’s right to see Powergirl’s boobs. And boobs in general. It’s my cause celebre.
February 11th, 2009 at 1:57 pm
Speaking of Powergirl’s boobs, check this out:
http://www.1pstart.com/final-fight-the-movie/
The second clip has either the worst acting EVER or the hottest chick you’d ever hope to see dressed as Powergirl. Okay, maybe it has both.
February 11th, 2009 at 3:12 pm
Good choice, there were SO many naked Powergirls to choose from!
However, it looks like the real problem has emerged: conventional brassieres being ill-equipped for today’s dangers. As woman who faces this challenge, I am patenting a very special brassiere for US! Imagine a full harness made of bridge cable, wrapped in pure spider silk; the kevlar cups encircled with a generous layer of fashionable razorwire… ooh, luxurious. We’re still testing the electronic combination-lock clasp (optional).
February 11th, 2009 at 4:24 pm
Here’s the trouble: if the bra you’re describing explodes, razorwire shrapnel will fly everywhere, killing millions.
After giving this a lot of thought, I still think the best solution is to change cultural norms and accept that bras sometimes explode. It’s just part of the mystery of life.
February 11th, 2009 at 6:20 pm
Yes, because if history’s taught us anything, it’s that social norms usually turn over pretty quickly, with the right pamphlets.
In other words, “Psshh.” The BunkerBra is the solution. Everyone knows for today’s woman, mystery is a turn-off. Collateral damage? Huge turn-on. That is, if the bra could explode. It can’t.
February 12th, 2009 at 12:46 am
It’s like Microsoft releasing a new operating system. Every time they say it can’t get a virus, someone makes a virus. You can make that bra out of adamantium and landmines, but someone’s gonna find a way to blow it up.
I mean, it will blow up naturally, because that happens in nature now.
February 12th, 2009 at 5:10 pm
It’s funny that the preview picture is centered squarely on her breasts.
Leave a Reply