Thursday, April 23rd, 2009
French Macarons Kick Jewish Macaroon Ass
I have returned from France! It was a terrific trip: I saw the Eiffel Tower, the Mona Lisa, churches almost 1000 years old, blah blah blah who cares? Let’s talk about cookies!
If you’re Jewish, then you’ve probably had macaroons at Passover. You know, the little chewy cookie with a flavor like coconuts mixed with ass. They’re pretty tasteless, and not in the good Hustler way, unless you’re talking about eating actual pages of Hustler Magazine. Anyway, they’re not very good, but they can be eaten at Passover since they’re unleavened (like Matzot, which is awesome).
Then I get to France, and my girlfriend wants to get macarons at a famous restaurant called LADUREE. I’m like, “uh, sure honey. Let’s go get those deeee-lightful macaroons,” thinking she must have gone crazy. Bonkers, even! I mean, yes, the French have a way with food, but can you really improve on a food as lousy as the macaroon?
Yes, you can. She was right.
Though they’re pronounced and practically spelled the same, and they’re both dessert items, that’s where the similarities end. French macarons are what would happen if you put an Oreo into a Make-A-Million-Times-Better machine. It’s two soft, mouth-watering cookies with rich jam in the middle. The cookies are softer than Krispy Kreme donuts. The jam is tastier than anything ever. The result: a taste-a-bration, plain and simple.
Why don’t we have these everywhere? It’s the best cookie on the planet and America doesn’t have a bastardized version in grocery stores. Come on, Keebler Elves! What are we paying you for? Get to work! Milanos aren’t good enough anymore. We need macarons and we need them in ranch!
As a Jew, I vote that we change the name of macaroons to stink-cookies, to avoid any embarrassing comparisons to France’s greatest triumph. Greater than their fries?
…perhaps.
9 Comments
April 23rd, 2009 at 6:47 am
Look at that photo, I have never seen you so incredulous. You were almost angry, and then you *were* angry, throwing chairs into fountains at the Tuileries.
You’re right, there’s always enough room in America’s snack-hole for these. C’mon Kraft Foods, where are my kick-ass ranch macaroons?!
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:37 am
I know those things, and DAMN I love them!
There’s a chocolate place in Washington DC called Artfully Chocolate Kingsbury Confections that purchase Parisian Macaroons from Michael’s Patisserie in DC (they ship…). That was where I first had one. I dream about them now. Search for some patisseries!
April 23rd, 2009 at 9:39 am
http://shop.michelpatisserie.com/main.sc
April 23rd, 2009 at 11:52 am
Those look pretty good, but as the French say, “C’est pas le meme chose”
April 23rd, 2009 at 8:44 pm
Hope you’re having a good time!
April 24th, 2009 at 2:01 am
Amanda – I was so happy, I was angry. Hangry.
Ashuri – They’re in Los Angeles too, but at this tiny little bakery. The French ones blew the LA ones out of the water, though.
Matt – Thank you, I did have a good time! It was an awesome trip.
April 27th, 2009 at 11:33 am
Mmm, I discovered these in London, too, in lots of different flavours! Jam, chocolate, vanilla, pistachio–all good!
April 27th, 2009 at 11:57 am
I actually know where you are in that picture. I’ve been there. I feel SO cultured right now.
April 27th, 2009 at 11:46 pm
Christine – Pick a flavor: they’re all delicious!
Mary – You’re a total super sophisticate.
Leave a Reply