Wrestlemania 25 was mind-blowing, folks. Hopefully you caught all the bone-crushing ridiculousness this year. It was worth every penny of the $65 pay per view charge. I watched with friends at a big party, where we did a Wrestlemania pool. Here’s how I fared:

“Money In The Bank” Ladder Match

I picked MVP, because I thought his comeback-from-a-depressing-losing-streak storyline would have a glorious twist by winning the event. Instead, CM Punk won it. I like him, but he’s won the match before. Great match, boring choice of winner.

25 Diva Royal Rumble

I predicted Borat-esque wrestler Santino Marella would win. He’d been campaigning that the match was sexist for not including men. A suspiciously masculine looking woman went unnoticed until the very end, and that woman was revealed to be “Santina Marella,” Santino’s twin sister. This is why I love wrestling.

Chris Jericho vs. Roddy Piper, Jimmy Snuka & Ricky Steamboat

I thought the legends would find a way to defeat Jericho, but despite a strong showing from Ricky Steamboat, the legend-hating Jericho defeated all three of them. Then Mickey Rourke came on stage and punched him stupid. Rourke seemed kind of embarrassed to be there, but it was still awesome.

Jeff Hardy vs. Matt Hardy

This one I got right. Despite Jeff slamming Matt through two folding tables, ultimately this match went to Matt Hardy in an upset. The Extreme Enigma has a lot more brooding to do before getting the black cloud of his jealous brother out of the way.

JBL vs. Rey Mysterio

I called this one for Rey, and I’m glad I did. Not only did ultra-rich JBL lose, but he lost in like 30 seconds, a complete embarrassment. Why doesn’t he just buy the WWE if he’s so rich? Then he’d be just like Baseketball (second step: hire Reel Big Fish to play constantly).

The Undertaker vs. Shawn Michaels

Again, I thought Shawn’s comeback-from-being-JBL’s-bitch storyline would have ended nicely with a victory against The “16-0 at Wrestlemania” Undertaker, but HBK ultimately lost. However, the match was something like 45 minutes long and completely epic.

Edge vs. John Cena vs. Big Show

I knew that John Cena would rightfully take back the Heavyweight title stolen from him by Edge. He did that, and exposed an affair between Edge’s wife, General Manager Vicky Guerrero, and the Big Show. Apart from Cena lifting Big Show and Edge on his back, the highlight was the Eminem-esque multiple Cena army to introduce him.

Randy Orton vs. Triple H

When you punt Vince MacMahon in the head, and RKO Triple H‘s wife/Vince’s daughter, there are gonna be consequences. WRESTLEMANIA CONSEQUENCES. This one I got – it was The Game all the way.

Unseen Match: Carlito and Primo vs. John Morrison and The Miz

For some reason, we didn’t get to see this match up for the new unified Tag Team title. I thought this would be a good one to throw to the villains, egotistical Miz and Morrison, but apparently Carlito and Primo were the winners. They deserve it, especially after this happened.

So I went 5-4, not bad for my first Wrestlemania. Next year? 9-0 suckas, and I’ll never bet against The Undertaker again.