I directed and wrote the treatment for an animated music video starring the otaku supergroup Leetstreet Boys! You can also read my director’s statement for the video and browse through the LSB webcomic archives (I recommend starting here) that I write.

I don’t wanna go off on a rant here… you know what? Actually, I do. I’m gonna rant. Will you shut up for just one minute, 80′s Dennis Miller?

So like everyone else, I find out Michael Jackson, the King of Pop, has died at 50 and I’m shocked. This is a momentous pop culture moment. It’s the closing of a chapter. The end of an era. The white glove is off forever. I don’t know – there’s an appropriate phrase in their somewhere.

I heard from my friend John that MTV was playing nothing but Michael Jackson music videos. I’m so happy. I used to watch MTV religiously as a kid and later as a teenager, and I know my pop culture history: at first, they wouldn’t play Michael Jackson videos, because he was black. When they finally gave in and played “Beat It,” “Thriller” and others, it made their network. Racist MTV became a global powerhouse off of Jackson’s music. To put it bluntly, they owed him.

So I sat down to watch a ton of Michael Jackson videos on MTV. It seemed like the perfect way to celebrate his life. Watching him in Thriller, you can’t help but say, “he was awesome.” This was in the late afternoon. By prime time, MTV switched back to regular programming.

What the fuck?

You can’t give the man who created your network 24 hours of music videos? Yeah, maybe I’m the old man telling MTV to show some respect, but come on. Michael Jackson made your network a “thing,” and you’re gonna preempt your tribute to him with what? I’m 16 and Pregnant? Seriously. Fuck.

I grew up on MTV, from Remote Control to Daria, and I devoured countless music videos. I admit, their recent teen girl-centric real format has kept me away for years, so maybe I’m not their audience anymore. But I think everyone — tween to me — can agree that when Michael Jackson dies, you want MTV to stick with his videos. Fuck the sponsors, it’s an emergency. The King is Dead.

I’m sure MTV News is gonna do some tribute, but now I could give two shits. If I need a news story, I’ll watch CNN. When we want to celebrate the life and music of the only solo act bigger than Elvis, MTV better clear its schedule. The pregnant tweens can wait a day. They probably want to watch his videos, too.

I hate writing that. No, I was never an Eminem fan, per se, but I know every word to The Real Slim Shady. At the time, he was like a lone voice of criticism in the wilderness of Britney Spears, Fred Durst and TRL girls screaming. It was culturally-acceptable teenage rebellion that was also funny and somewhat insightful. Eminem was a fresh perspective, but the greatest part was that a lot of his fiercest rhymes were reactionary. If he perceived someone as insulting him in the press — BAM! — now you’re giving Carson Daly a blow job in his song. Kinda like a twisted hip-hop Bugs Bunny.

In that sense, Eminem’s biggest problem was his success, of which he was well aware. “I got everyone kissin’ my ass / And it’s a disaster, such a catastrophe…” When everyone started respecting him, and choosing their words carefully when discussing Mr. Mathers, Eminem had no one to fight. So he found easy targets like Kim Kardashian and Michael Jackson. Not that Christina Aguillera wasn’t an easy target, but at the time of “The Real Slim Shady” she was at least in her prime.

Maybe a negative backlash against this new album is exactly what he needs. Slim Shady needs to be provoked. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.

One of the perks that sold me on the gym was the promise of free “Hip-Hop Dance Classes” included with your membership. I’ve always been interested in taking a hip-hop dance class, but I never had a clear visual in my head of what “hip-hop dance” actually meant.

I love hip-hop — Jay-Z, Outkast, Snoop Dogg — and dancing to those songs in a club is fun. Well, guys don’t really dance. We just lean like cholos while girls shake their asses on us (god willing!). With the right girls, a dance class like that would be awesome. Sign me up, gym!

Well, I can’t say the class met my expectations, but it did meet my gaypectations, which in turn means that I thought it was Liberace gay.

Read the rest of this article at MadAtoms.com

Some of the coolest people in the world are lions. Simba, Aslan, Mufasa, Scar — all lions. I believe that anyone could be made more awesome after a Lionification (for those who don’t read the Lion King Fan Art Message Boards, Lionification is the process by which a human becomes a lion). Therefore, the most kickass thing ever would be if Slash and Axl Rose — from my favorite band, Guns and Roses — woke up one morning as lions! ROWR yeah!

Think of how a Lionification would enhance Guns and Roses classics. In “Welcome To The Jungle,” they could speak from experience, since they’d now be kings of the jungle. The song “Sweet Child o’ Mine” would be infinitely better for us Lioniacs as “Sweet Cub o’ Mine.” Also, a Lionification would explain what happened to Chinese Democracy all those years: Slash ate it, then coughed it out last year as a hairball. My mom says I’m creative!

Plus, what if someone gets unruly at a concert? That’s when Slash finally earns his nickname and bites the head off of the stupid punk. No one will call Guns and Roses dated or irrelevant now that the band is full of dangerous lions. Yeah, I can see the music critics now, writing about how Guns and Roses is too old or whatever, and then CRASH! Axl Rose pounces through the glass, destroys their computers and urinates on them. Now THAT’S Chinese Democracy!

A technical problem was brought to my attention on the Lion Boards. How can Slash play guitar when his fingers are paws? Well, that’s like asking how Simba will grow up to be king: with a lot of Lion-like perseverance. He won’t give up, no matter how hard it is, and eventually Slash will figure it out. I’ve got my faith in him. Come back to the GnR pride, Slash!

So that’s why Guns and Roses would be better as lions. You can pretty much make the same argument for Motley Crue and Poison, and I will as soon as I can. Right now, a lot of my focus is on the Lion Boards, trying to figure out if the guy who says he had sex with a lion is for real… and then I need to know what he knows.